• Billy Mark

Sometimes 5

Sometimes we can tell we’re not from around here

Sometimes we pick up a homeless couple in our Lyft even though our stomach says we shouldn’t and they wind up being the coolest people and they give us a big tip

Sometimes we are in New Mexico and the dogs and roosters are singing to each other

Sometimes who we are is wrapped up in an email we haven’t received from someone we barely know

Sometimes we are at the center of action and contemplation and it’s just us and the groundskeeper.

Sometimes he looks at us and says it’s just me

Sometimes the soil has nothing to say about pronouns

Sometimes we watch cops shoot up the house

Sometimes we go to Ohio and watch them teargas a house near our brothers home

Sometimes people around here just blame life

Sometimes people are actually doing better than we thought

Sometimes we hear about how bad things are we just don’t see it

Sometimes the alternative pronunciation of Albuquerque should be kept a secret

Sometimes we look at a map of America and the only city that we think about visiting that is not one that we have heard of before is Gallup and our car starts breaking down in Gallup and we drive onto a dirt road to a 24-hour mechanic only to find a dark closed gate at 9 PM two hours away from our Airbnb

Sometimes we know that this is where we are a prayer.

Sometimes things work out and we give ourselves credit for how we handled things.

Sometimes the only way to tell a story is  with drums

Sometimes the blackbirds from the story become a blackbird on a window

Sometimes it’s the moments after the art after the work that our openness to spirit is clearest

Sometimes we fit four goats into a small car two with their head out of the window two seeking comfort

Sometimes we’re pregnant and someone tries to break into our home and we say can’t you see I’m pregnant what are you doing here and they leave and then you hear a story the next day about someone who broke into a home and was killed by a shotgun

Sometimes we touch our belly

Sometimes you are a guest and the house is spacious modern and impeccable and a picture of young Cindy Crawford in underwear hangs above the toilet and our host is young and pretty and a teacher and offers you coffee and we know that the only real invitation is love

Sometimes our Stepfather’s politics have gone too far and for the first time in our life we get out of our chair and yell fuck you say it one more goddamn time say it one more goddamn time and we shout until we realize our sister has muted zoom and won’t unmute us until we’ve calmed down but we have a secret bird for him that we can hold in position for as long as we’d like

Sometimes the desert is a mouth opening backward into the sky in a way that we can’t tell what is or is not being drunk

Sometimes there’s no pretending how close God is in us

Sometimes time takes a break and the ancestors touch unborn children in our body 

Sometimes when you’re in Childress Texas you need to turn around when you pass a young black family standing against the wall in the lights of two cop cars as their car is being searched

Sometimes you need to stand across the street and lean against your car and watch

Sometimes all of our things get rifled through

Sometimes our hood is propped open and our trunk is searched

Sometimes while we’re looking for something we notice we’re being watched from the darkness

Sometimes our heart beats hard

Sometimes we cross the street

Sometimes we ask each other what we’re doing here 

Sometimes we tell each other we’re here because we’re nervous because of what has been happening lately

Sometimes we tell each other that we’re watching each other

Sometimes we ask each other are we nervous for them or for us

Sometimes we tell each other all of us 

Sometimes we raise our hand to someone  we don’t know someone across the street

Sometimes we say to each other that we don’t have weapons and we’re A safe distance and we are OK

Sometimes we’re just doing our job

Sometimes we don’t mind our business

Sometimes we don’t want to leave

Sometimes we don’t have to

Sometimes we drive

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