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  • Billy Mark

Sometimes 3




Sometimes the black square that we use to delete what we don’t like becomes the painting

Sometimes we name the painting deleted

Sometimes we change the name

Sometimes in order to burn down white we burn down black

Sometimes we go to bed without talking about things that may keep us up until two

Sometimes we need to leave the city before we collect the oil

Sometimes we give our friends what hurts us as a gift

Sometimes we can see where we’ve been fucking with people

Sometimes we don’t know where it has been taking place.

Sometimes the next stretch looks like it’s going to take a while

Sometimes the frisbee curves around toward out stillness and opens the doorstep

Sometimes we are disappointed when we don’t do frisbee right

Sometimes we walk our friend out to see what kind of car they’re driving.

Sometimes we think that we’re better than white people

Sometimes we hide in a group

Sometimes the lint just won’t stop coming

Sometimes we work so hard for so long that we fry or adrenal glands and we have to walk in the back door because facing people is just too much to take

Sometimes when we wake up we can’t get out of bed

Sometimes feelings last for weeks

Sometimes months

Sometimes years

Sometimes all the cars slowly climb the hill together at sunset between the folded mountains.

Sometimes we are so open that our skin feels like knives made out of tears

Sometimes our father drives us across the country and tells us that we have a half brother and makes the land become a map  of entangled love unraveling toward the ocean

Sometimes somewhere near Utah black mountains in the curves reveal the fear in our father we were unaware was possible

Sometimes there aren’t guardrails where we think there should be guard rails and for a moment the freedom of death is alive and intoxicating at the moment we realize there are so many lethal objects in a kitchen

Sometimes our ears pop in the desert

Sometimes night darkness begins to cover sign 13 B

Sometimes we could give this all up

Sometimes we catch a glimpse of the thing that we’ve been holding on so tightly to.

Sometimes the feeling fades as it remains.

Sometimes our phones listen to us more deeply than we listen to ourselves

Sometimes our laptop sees us in ways that we have never seen ourselves

Sometimes Black people have 1 billion identities

Sometimes here’s night

Sometimes we're not accessible clear or warranted

Sometimes we are they 

Sometimes we are what they say 

Sometimes we are what they say about us especially when we are they who say it 

Sometimes it’s just too much to see

Sometimes the thin slice of the widespreading desert sunset fades into night and makes us hungry for all of life

Sometimes it’s hard for us to admit that we feel like we may not make it to the end

Sometimes we drive in the desert slowly sliding open like a snake at night

Sometimes it’s just us and truck drivers alone on the road together in the last of the sunset is behind you and the night is in front of you and it is filled with only a plane

Sometimes the maintenance required is on

Sometimes we wear a suit to better hear the spirit world

Sometimes our search for a language of love leads us into an unintelligible discomfort.

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